My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i think my cat just said my name.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
