At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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