I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
