i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You made out with two different species that night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize