i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
