how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
there is puke in my bra ... again
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