Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
