SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
