If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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