It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
