Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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