saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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