forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
