the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize