i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize