i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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