I only kidnapped one of them. chill
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
