We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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