Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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