I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
