i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
