I will die if light touches me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
