I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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