it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
