DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
