I am in a vortex of obligation.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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