So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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