yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
