Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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