I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
