So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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