My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
