i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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