My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
