So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
