dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
