I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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