I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
