i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
