I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
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