I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
3pm strippers are depressing
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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