Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
