The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
