There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
