My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
