We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
