I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
