You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
