Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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