I wannas sexs uuuuu
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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