Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize