took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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