I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
