Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
