He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
