Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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