i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize