Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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