I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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