apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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