one word: firstdatebathroomanal
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My pussy is not your playground.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
