Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
