just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
