I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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