the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
