i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
