dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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