Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
