Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
