try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
