So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
