Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
