Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
