I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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