There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just want nice things and good sex
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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