i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize