I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
