my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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