Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
