The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize