she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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