So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
