I cannot find my penis.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize